From Neville's lecture the Unalloyed there is a sentence that keeps coming back to me, I had listened to this lecture many many times I can almost recite it by heart, but this words have always stuck with me " if the journey seems long is because the children of Israel forget to keep the tense". I am not I was or I will be.
How am I keeping the tense and how I identify the faculties ( children of Israel) of mind in me? But first and foremost am I playing the role of Israel?
Neville also asks in this lecture " for how long are you going to go limping between 2 opinions? if Baal is God then follow him if I Am is God then follow him"
Israel' s choice is to follow I Am. Jacob received the blessing, the light of understanding, that the real Self is the inner self, the invisible Me whose name is I Am. And I Am has a dwelling place. A home called the Kingdom of Heaven, and doesn't our home reflect our nature? Isn't it home where we let go and can be ourselves.? So I am at "home" naturally is life, wisdom,love, peace, substance, strength, power. Israel makes the choice of following Baal, ignorance and fear or affirms the power of I Am and for this I rule my mind as the Lord, " beholding the mountains full of horses and chariots of fire round about Elisha" ( spiritual I am) II Kings 6.
So this is when the journey begins, I make the choice as Israel.
My children, the mind faculties need to keep the tense, I rule over them to acknowledge my name: I Am already that which I desire to be.
Jacob had twelve sons and each one have a metaphysical meaning representing a faculty of the mind, a faculty is a natural ability or power, already existing but it needs to be nurtured and developed , so I am starting with the first four sons and see I they are keeping the first person present tense :
Reuben : faith as in discernment, sight, in the outer " for Jehova hath LOOKED upon my affliction"
This is what his mother said of Reuben when he was born, so I look at the outer, not as Annabelle but as Jehova, the experience in the outer has one cause and look within to locate the cause, the concept I am has given life to, the self begotten son I had given to the world, if my experience is my offspring then I am the cause. It really does matter why or how this concept came to be my identity, discernment does not need to become a therapy session, if the memory of the why hinders my ability to move forward in my journey then I revise it. Period. I am following I Am, the inner journey, the realm of Spirit not Baal with its impermanent and changeable shadows and human point of view reasoning. Oprah' s. "aha " moment so to speak.
Simeon : " Jehova has HEARD that I am hated" so I am heard the cause, if I am not the one whom I desire to be is because I am not being love. If I am the one who I desire to be now and feel the reality of it, then I am dwelling living and having my being in love. The feeling of being in love and being loved back by our beloved is the mountain top feeling , the highest of all highs.
I am so loved by my own very self and I love my powerful sense of being so much that I now give myself the desire of my heart. Simeon means hear and obey, so hearing is not good enough, we must obey, if understanding with its light has made clear to us who the cause of our experienced is then we must obey this spirit of understanding and see ourselves as Jehova. Jehova looked, Jehova heard.
Levi : " now this time my husband be joined unto me" we are joined to what we love. Am I loving my God, with all my heart, might and soul? The power of feeling. Is my feeling of being that one I desire to be enough to bringing it into being? So I need to start at the beginning , God.
Do I believe in a god? Do I believe in a greater mind in a world greater than this physical reality? Do I believe that there is power and wisdom housed in me? Do I believe in scripture and the wonderful promise that I am awakening to discover that I am the sustainer and creator of all I see?
The Lord told Moses not to make graven images, meaning not to make mental pictures of God A long bearded King in the sky looking down on me, most of the time in dissaproval, is an image that from time to time flashes in my mind even after all this years, when it does if allow it to be my graven image of Who God is then I worship that false image of who I am. Instead I take a deep breath and simply acknowledge that the one that breaths, Me, is God. Do I exist? I must certainly do. But who Am I? So yes I exist, but who I am really? So it is basically a matter if identity.
So I go back to Reuben , judgement and discernment. Sitting quietly I take one area of my life. Observe the concept I hold on that subject ( opinions, like dislikes what my mother told me about it) and see how many of those concepts have BECOME physical events in my world. If I can match them am I not their Father? So which concepts am I going to love and give my full attention as I would a lover?
Judah : "this time I will praise Jehova". Praising and thanksgiving for I know I am that which I desired to be. If feeling anything else than gratitude the I am not keeping the tense.
More on this subject later
Annabelle
